Flags in the Breeze

Memories from the Blacktop: A Crest in Trinity Alps - Northern California

As an ESL teacher I always look for ways in which to validate the language and background of my students. One way in which I do this is by hanging the flags of their respective countries in my room. Though 95% of my school is Haitian, the 5% are as diverse as New York itself... India, Bangladesh, Yemen, Venezuela, Jamaica, Grenada, St. Vincent, Guyana, Guinea, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic... all their banners hang from 13 feet above our heads.

If only hanging up a flag and encouraging discourse about their background was enough to invest and motivate the kids to learn. An immigrant myself, I often look back upon my own experience and wonder what was done right or wrong, how did I learn, what were some of the issues I encountered with learning a new language and culture? But I fare poorly in my attempt to compare my life as a seven year old literate immigrant with a mother and grandmother, both of whom were educated, and the lives of my fifteen to twenty year old mostly illiterate students who have no parents or relatives here, or have just one, many of whom have little or no education.

I try to conjure reminiscence of acculturative stress, and the things I later learned in college and upon reflection - but I come up empty again and again in my attempt to understand their motivations, thoughts, dreams or perceptions of reality. I administer surveys but between the language barrier, fear and not giving a damn I harvest little useful data to inform my understanding.

A brief background: most Haitians in our community did not learn English in their native country, many did not go to all the grades appropriate for their age, many are illiterate in French or Haitian-Creole, most come from poverty... one of the things they did learn in whatever school they attended was how to copy! Copy from the board, copy from books, copy from each other. Whatever original thought exists in these children, it has been duly suppressed. I get glimpses of it when I do a lesson on poetry, and every once in a while when there is nothing on the board and they are not working from a book; usually what happens in that situation though is blank staring, raised hands and dis-engagement.

I started teaching at the end of October in 2009, "green as grass" is an all too generous term for me, yet I hold in my hands the future of 90 ESL kids and about 50 English speaking (fluent) students. If they all came to school ready to learn, excited to learn, motivated to succeed, behaving like students should... this would be but an excursion in planning. But clearly this is not the case, clearly Teach for America does not work with the kind of schools whose populations are the embodiment of the aforementioned traits. Oddly enough they are not all that different from so many native high school students, what they do not however appreciate is that native English speakers don't have to work as hard to pass the mediocre standardized tests which are the determinants of success in this country. If you are a native speaker you have but to learn how to test well and you are mostly set for your middle class, middle income, middle management life. For kids who are struggling to grasp this, a most convoluted and exceptional, language - their prospects are but specks on the distant horizon. Because learning how to be a good test taker still requires certain basic knowledge of English, and to approach the otherwise regular opportunities they cannot be on the cusp of the bell curve, because an accent diminishes your prospects as once did your high heels and makeup.

It is of course my job to negotiate the balance between state requirements and high interest content; my responsibility to somehow engage and motivate my students who did not have the privilege of education being a given in their lives and with parents who know and respect and understand the value of said education. The trick then is performing the ultimate feat of multi-tasking: control and teach the appropriate behavior, ensure comprehension of all standards required by the state to pass the standardized tests, engage their interest, create a sense of urgency - because there is little leeway in high school, teach above and beyond the test so that they stand a fighting chance of actually making it through their first year of college, plan all of this in advance, manage to get more than three hours of sleep and somehow find time to address your own issues of mental, physical, emotional and interpersonal health.

So far I can honestly say I have achieved only a few degrees of growth in some of those tasks - nothing that any self-respecting scientist would call significant. Where then do we lay the sacrifice, what do we choose to exclude form our "to-do" list? How do I mold a citizen who will be a benefit to our future society and who will have access to the American Promise?

As promised here is a poem I wrote about the mentor teacher I had during my summer training with Teach For America:

Booming thunder!

Eyes a-glaze, towards the heavens

Ears are raised.

A trembling calm he spreads

Throughout the body public.

Our forethoughts he duly shreds,

And mends misdeeds so chronic.

What can I learn from him?

This force, from long years built.

I take it all in stride…

With patience I do ride…

This wave of new and brilliant light.

I remain committed to my task, determined in succeeding, hopeful of my abilities, confident in my students abilities, scared shitless of what mistakes on my part could mean.

Until our next e-encounter...