Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Nude - My Fear

I just noticed that I have not yet really discussed my photography in this blog; I supposed I haven’t discussed my photography anywhere for some time now. A couple of years ago amidst an artistic crisis (and a financial one) – I sold my cameras, and lenses, and flashes… all of them!
What would possess me to do something like that after 10 years and thousands of shots later?

Well, a creative block that lasted shorter than I perceived, but what at the time seemed like 2 years; I neglected to recognize that some of my favorite shots came from that time. This was also a time of repeated bouts of unemployment due to stupidity, pride, hubris and some more stupidity, which left me on the short end of the being-able-to-pay-rent stick. So instead of sucking it up and trying to get some commercial work, or going back to personal training I sold all of my shit!
One of the frustrating points always came when I began to think of nudes. In my head I would have visions, I would see the light, I would see the pose, I would understand the purpose and meaning behind the image. But whenever I even touched a camera it would all fade. I have gone through the trouble of getting the model, scoping the location, determining optimum natural light and timing the angle – all to freeze when it came time to direct or aim.

The viewfinder would go blank.

I would get confused, I would stumble, I would misdirect, then manage to get a couple shots off only to be confirmed of my incompetence when I got home to look at the proofs. I couldn’t figure it out; I have shot almost every style of photography and I never felt out of place, except at those moments when natures glory was before me, waiting, needing to be captured and sung.
For an artist this moment of impotence is the ultimate drain of creative and life forces; afterwords you feel limp and dejected, with only the desire to curl up on the couch and empty your mind of anything and everything.
But lately I have had a reawakening of the desire to shoot the elusive nude. I tremble at the thought of doing it, but I feel as though I must; perhaps this will be the key to re-opening photography as an avenue of my artistic expression. I have only to attempt and find out!

Have any of you felt this way?
How did you get over it?
Any thoughts on nude photography in general?

1 comment:

  1. That first photograph is incredible. Now what do we have to do to get you a camera?
    As a fellow artist that does not have much opportunity to do anything other than work, i know how hard it can be when you no longer get a chance to express yourself in the media to which you feel most tied.
    Lately, I find myself thinking about my wasted artistic ideas and ambitions quite often. What's funny is that the fear and apprehensiveness I expected would meet me at this point has yet to rear its taunting face. As more and more time separates me from my art, I seem to find myself only more connected to it because of my strong yearning to once again be in the company of my true creative self.